For Brandon Masaki Ozawa Baker

As I'm writing this, I wonder if you'll ever see it. I have to hope and pray that you will as I don't know what else to do.

I don't know what your mom has told you or why you think you moved to Japan. The truth is that in the last years of our marriage and continuing after our divorce, your mom really struggled with her mental health. She was angry at me; some reasons were purely a product of her imagination, others were real and I won't deny them. In her instability, she chose to use you as weapon to hurt me in retaliation for what she believed I had done.  So in July of 2007, she kidnapped you while on vacation and fled to Japan where I wouldn't be able to see you again.

I'm doing everything I can to see you and so you have the choice of where you want to live.  I've been working with the US State Department's Office of Children's Issues to try and find you so we can establish contact. Your mom has the two of you in hiding, and once she's located by the police or whomever, she refuses to allow anyone to talk to you and then moves to a new address.

I highly doubt if your mom will ever come back to the United States because she knows that there are warrants for her arrest from the Boulder and San Diego police along with the FBI and others. There's also quite a few people looking for her because of damage that she and Eric did before you guys left for Japan.  There's no way she'll come here and I can't find you, so I thought this blog might help.

If you ever read this and want to talk, my email address is hollywood_rob@hotmail.com .  I miss you so much buddy and all I want is to know that you're OK and how you're doing with everything.  Now if you want to come home, we'd love to have you here with us.  Jessica and I got married and you have a new baby sister who would love to meet you.  I can buy you a plane ticket from Japan and also can get you a US passport that would allow you to come back.  It's up to you and I won't pressure you because I don't know what you've been told and I don't know how you feel.

I hope that you read this someday and that you get in contact. I've been missing you so badly every minute that you've been gone. I love you buddy.

Something For My Wife

My Dream

A dream arose from the depths of an endless night,

growing from the lifeless ashes of my shattered soul.

Denied at first, and then embraced as the grace of divinity,

ending the despair of the killing night to reveal the dawn.

Once all powerful, fear has faded to distant memory;

driven to nothing simply through words of the heart spoken.

Only words, given life and with the power of redemption;

a guiding path to a blessed eternity in splendor and ecstasy.

And so, I yearn for the touch of my love and dare to dream

of passing forever through the crushing depths of despair;

of being restored through the healing light of the dawn.

I am whole again, ready for life anew in your arms.

My Dad

My dad is not a perfect man.  He might curse a bit much, and maybe on occasion enjoys beer a bit much, and Lord knows he has a temper (I was wild as a teenager and was the recipient of that more than once!). 

 

But he's a man that cares deeply about his family. My biological father never wanted me. Folks have said differently at times over the years, but it's a little hard to believe when he left my mother when I was just a couple of months old and I've only seen him twice in my life. But my dad not only married my mom, but he also accepted my sister and me as his own.  He even formally adopted us and gave us his name. Blood never mattered much; I was his son and he loved me. Nothing was more natural.

He also took my aunts and my grandmother into our house at a bad time in their lives.  There was never any hesitation or regret. They are family and he will protect and provide for the family.  That continued in later years when he took a year of his life to build an apartment for my grandmother.  She just could not live in her house after my grandfather died, so Daddy packed up and headed to Alabama.  He built that apartment by hand and basically by himself.  Sure, I helped occasionally and so did a lot of people.  But day in and day out, it was my dad that was swinging a hammer.  Again, it's not blood that counts because it was my mom's mother and her sisters that Daddy was providing for.

My Dad also taught me to be a man. There was never a big speech or formal lessons, but it was in the way he carried himself with honor.  He passed those standards to me in so many ways. One specific thing that sticks out in my mind was when I was being picked on by a couple of bullies and I was 10 or 11. One of them finally called me out to fight at the baseball fields after school.  I went home and sat in my room, scared and crying.  My dad came into my room to ask what was wrong and I finally told him.  I don't remember the exact words he used, but the gist was: "You may get your butt kicked. You may win in this fight. But either way, you WILL stand". He even drove me to the fight just in case things got out of hand and also to let me know that he was there for me. But in the end, I had to stand up to my problems on my own and face my demons as a man.

He also gave me one of my greatest life lessons. I was worried about being genetically hamstrung with being the offspring of my biological father. I was married and wondering what kind of father I would be and if I was doomed to fail. It's been said before, but there was some additional weight coming from a person that willingly took on a woman with two kids in tow. What he said to me was: "Any idiot with functioning genitalia can be a father. It takes a man to be a dad".

No, my dad is not a perfect man. He has his flaws, idiosyncrasies, and faults.  But in every moment of my life, he has made his stand and lived in honor. My dad is a man. And in that, he is perfect.

You know who you are

I don't know why I care, but was looking at your FB page and what you have posted as your info.

So you enjoy spending time with your kids? Really? So I'm guessing that you're excluding the 2 kids that you abandoned from that "like"? The kids that you've seen exactly TWICE in almost 39 years and couldn't be bothered to visit even tho you were only a couple of hours away? The kids that never even received a birthday card or phone call from you EVER even tho your father, mother and brother always stayed in constant contact and even visited tho it was WAY out of their way? The kids that you publically disowned a couple of years ago, even tho they had done nothing and the failures were actually caused by your own inadequacies and faults?

So you also really enjoy being with your grandchildren? That's interesting and good of you. I'm again assuming that's excluding the 9 beautiful grandkids that you have never seen and probably don't even know exist because you don't care? You know, the children of the kids that you abandoned and wouldn't even make child support for?

Well dude, lemme share something with you that was taught to me MANY years ago: any idiot with working genitalia can be a father - it takes a man to be a dad. I tell myself this repeatedly so that I won't hurt my kids as you have hurt yours. Keep telling yourself and the world about what a great family man you are if that's what helps you sleep at night. Those involved know the truth and know what and who you actually are. You can't hide from the things you've done and I sincerely hope that the regret stemming from your actions doesn't eat you up inside.